10 Of The Sexiest Things You Can Get Up To At The Public Library
“If you go home with someone, and they don’t have books, don’t fuck ‘em!”
Credit: Matthew Addington
New rule: You are banned from complaining about the lack of third places in Toronto if you are not in possession of a library card. As the legendary John Waters once said, “If you go home with someone, and they don’t have books, don’t fuck ‘em!” I’d argue that the very same advice applies to supporting your local public library.
Toronto isn’t lacking in third spaces—y’all are just lacking in vision. With 100 branches across Toronto, the public library is the perfect place for basically anything. I’m a regular at my local branch, though, so I may be a biased source. (If anyone from the Parliament branch is reading this right now, I swear I’m good for the $3 I owe you for forgetting to pick up my holds.) But I digress.
Just imagine never again spending $9 on a dirty chai with oat milk to sit in some sterile cafe and scroll Pinterest while dreaming about aesthetic academia. Forget picking people up at the club. Start pulling up to the nearest branch of the public library to lock eyes with hotties while checking out some Vivian Gornick at the self-circulation desk. Libraries are sexy in the same way a well-educated woman who knows what she wants and how to get it is; they’re basically Gillian Anderson in a pantsuit, is what I’m getting at here.
If you want to get library sexy, here’s what you need to do:
Borrow Party Girl to celebrate the flick’s 30th anniversary
Fine. You’re not a book person. I guess I can let that slide—albeit with major side-eye. But if you can’t appreciate this 1995 Parker Posey classic about a wild child Manhattanite turned library clerk, I just can’t trust you. Trust me, the fashion inspiration alone is to die for. Falafel with hot sauce, a side order of baba ghanoush, and a seltzer, anyone? Seriously though, outside of books, the Toronto Public Library has a massive selection of videos and music where you can borrow DVDs & CDs, stream your favourite flicks (did you know that Possession (1981) and The Love Witch (2016) are both free to watch on Kanopy?), and discover new music (all the DJs just salivating over the sampling potential) through the Naxos Music Library.
Get cultured
Any entry-level library lover knows about the tpl:map passes, aka the library passes that can get you into places like the Art Gallery of Ontario, Museum of Contemporary Art, Bata Shoe Museum, and Hot Docs for free—you do know about the tpl:map passes, right? So, if you’re serious about wanting to be sexy and culturally competent, you need to check out the TPL’s author talks and program series. Upcoming events include a panel discussion of Toni Morrison’s Sula and a poetry workshop with Desi Di Nardo. Let’s face it, taking a date to the AGO is cute but slightly overdone at this point. If you really want to impress, you need to be taking them to a panel discussing feminist trailblazer Nora Ephron. May your love be as timeless as Harry’s quality cable-knit sweater.
Sew a jaw-dropping outfit
Are you coming to Crash Test but just have nothing cute to wear? There are no more excuses not to slay. Take your cute ass to the Fabrication Studio inside North York Central Library where you can access the sewing machine, serger, vinyl printer/cutter, button maker, heat press, and fabric cutter to craft the glam of your dreams. If you’re intimidated by the idea of constructing a garment from scratch, don’t fret. They offer classes, too.
Make some (ugh) content
I know what you’re thinking. We need to make podcast equipment less accessible. We need people to join trade unions. Except, of course, for our podcast, which is stellar and everyone should listen to it immediately. But gatekeeping is not the library way. The whole shtick is ensuring everyone has equal access to the knowledge and materials they need. The library’s audio-visual studios include all the equipment and software you need to record your (groundbreaking, I’m sure) podcast on ‘the culture,’ plus they also offer classes on audio and video recording and editing.
Stop fare evading, for real
I’m not saying we all do it, but let’s be real…we all do it. Or at the very least, we all have a friend or a friend of a friend who has been slapped with a massive TTC fare evasion fine for slipping onto the streetcar without tapping on a night out. The TPL offers complimentary PRESTO cards, while quantities last, and can help you coordinate fare discounts through the Fair Pass Transit Discount Program. Skip stressing over fare inspectors on the 506 and save that $425 for dirty martinis and the most decadent sourdough with butter of your life at Bar Pompette. Thank me later.
Learn something new
Maybe what we all need to fix ourselves is a new hobby. Thankfully, the library’s got you covered there, too. You can borrow musical instruments like amps, guitars, and keyboards from the Toronto Public Library Musical Instrument Lending Library at their Parkdale, Downsview, and York Woods branches. Plus, there are a ton of free classes available through the library, including adult classes on coding, robotics, and 3D printing if you’re not the musical type.
Work, bitch!
Britney had it right. It can be challenging to stay competitive in today’s job market, and a little treat every day doesn’t come cheap. That’s where the Toronto Public Library’s slew of resources comes in handy. There’s free wifi, computer access, and printing (including remote printing!) available at most local branches, but they go way further than that. With a library card, you can access a ton of eLearning courses, including LinkedIn Learning, Gale Courses, and Mango Languages. Once you level up all the special skills on your resume and land an interview, you can also book virtual interview rooms through the library—no need to worry about your stoned roommate interrupting you in the middle of your interview.
Stay informed
Times are not just tough right now, they’re genuinely fucked up. It’s vital to stay informed about what’s going on in the world, but it can be frustrating when important updates are hidden behind a paywall. Thankfully, the Toronto Public Library has a massive digital database of both local and international newspapers (and archives!) so you can educate yourself on the historic precedents for our ‘unprecedented’ present times.
Give back by volunteering
If you’ve made it this far, you’ve landed a sweet new job, learned how to play guitar, sewn a beautiful outfit, etc. It’s time to give something back to the community and enrich not only your skills, but your heart, too. There are a ton of ways to volunteer at the library, including adult literacy programming and tutoring elementary school children. Maybe it’s not my place to judge, but...delete Hinge and start teaching children how to read instead of wasting time teaching men what empathy means!
When in doubt, ask a librarian
We’ve covered a ton of the amazing library services available, but ultimately, the greatest part of the library is librarians and other staff who work there. They’re a wealth of information and a stellar community resource. Ana-Maria Critchley, Senior Manager of Communications and Stakeholder Relations at the Toronto Public Library, was gracious enough to share many of the resources and information outlined here with us. She also told us that as of October 2025, all 100 branches will be open on Sundays!
For those of you who are still hesitant to get involved, don’t worry, it’s easy. You can get a free public library card in Toronto if you live, work, go to school, or own property in the City of Toronto, or if you live on a First Nations reserve in Ontario. A comprehensive list of the accepted IDs is available here. Critchley says, “Come on by! There’s something for everyone at the library. One of the things we hear most often is, ‘I had no idea the library offered that—I guarantee that you’ll be surprised!”
Ultimately, she says that, “service and what people need is constantly evolving […] we just try to make our services as accessible as possible. […] The library is all about creating equitable access to services and what the community needs.”
Now that’s sexy.