No one said finding love in Toronto was easy. It’s hard as hell, as anecdotal-evidenced by half of my Hinge recommendations being people I’ve already hooked up with. I decided it was time to take my search for love off the apps and into real life. Specifically, to NXNE, where there were sure to be tons of hot Toronto singles near me.

But I wasn’t about to run around the streets without a strategy. That’s why I turned to psychologist Dr. Arthur Aron’s 1997 study, “36 Questions to Fall in Love.” The questions are designed to test a couple’s romantic compatibility and get progressively more intimate.

I challenged myself to ask 36 strangers each one question throughout the festival. (Given that I was interviewing strangers and not an existing romantic partner, I did change some of the questions slightly so that the answers would not be completely incoherent.)

Maybe I would fall in love at NXNE… After all, what’s more romantic than a psychological experiment?

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Bella Cat, 34 @bellacatmusic

The first thought that comes to mind is Etta James. She’s my biggest influence as a musician. I just fell in love with her music as a teenager. She sings really hard blues. She’s my favourite singer of all time.

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

Darryl, 35 @darryljdennie

I would like to be famous—to a point! I’d like to be industry famous, as in the artists know who I am. I don’t want to be publicly famous. I want to be able to go out, go to the grocery store and live my life normally.

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

Valntna, 33 @valntnamusic

I don’t. I really like to be present in the flow. Actually, it depends on the circumstances of why I’m making the call. If we’ve had a disagreement or something, sometimes I have to be checking myself. What part did I play in the situation to get it to this point, what do I need to say so that it doesn’t get back to that point?

But I think if it’s just a general phone conversation…you know what? To some degree, I wouldn’t say rehearse, but think about it. There is a whole process to the phone conversation. For example, if you miss someone, you get the feeling of missing them, and then you play it in your head what you want to say. I don’t know if that’s rehearsing, but there’s a thought process to it.

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

ASMR Pink, 34 @asmrpiink

A perfect day for me would be chilling in nature. Just exploring somewhere that I’ve never been before and seeing what the day brings me.

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

Mallory, 27 & Stephanie, 27

Mallory: On my way here—I bothered everybody on the street! [Really?] Nah, I like, mumbled to myself.
Stephanie: I feel like… getting ready to come here. [What were you singing?] Lady Gaga.

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

Tiana, 21 @tmkdesignz & Hayden, 21 @haydenryannmusic

Tiana: I would say body. For sure, because I feel like your mind is constantly maturing, and I’d want to keep that maturity, but my body will probably…lose a lot of its momentum. I’d wanna continue that easy physical strength.
Hayden: Honestly, I have the same answer. I feel like, when I’m 30, I’m not going to be super mature; I feel like it’s going to take me longer to get there. I’d rather finish my dying days on earth being a little more hot and a little less saggy.

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

Lily, 27

I do think I have a hunch, and the reason that I do is because I feel that things mysteriously happen to me. So my hunch is that it would be a mysterious twist, like it was something underlying, slowly and then all at once. Something that I just like, never showed any signs of, because I have a history of these things happening to me! Nothing serious, but like allergic reactions that I just didn’t know about, so I think that’s what it would be for me.

8. Name three things you and your partner have in common.

Zayda, 26 @zaydamyeeda

We’re both—he would deny this—but we’re both really forgetful people. He’s actually performing tonight! It’s because he’s an artist and I don’t know what my excuse is [she laughs], but both of our heads are always in the clouds. Sharing that trait with him…we’re both very forgiving of each other, you know? There are a lot of thoughts, but not a lot of iCloud storage!

The second thing is we’re both huge listeners. We’re listen-first people. It’s funny because it’s so hard for us to argue, to get into a real argument, because we’re always coming from a position of listening first. There’s no real conflict because we’re always like, let me hear you out! It’s hard to be angry at somebody who’s really trying to listen to you.

The third thing is we’re both huge fucking nerds.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

Amelia Maxwell, 26 @ameliamaxwellgirlandband

I feel grateful at the end of the day, when it’s warm, but it’s not hot. When the sun is setting and it’s warm, but it’s not hot, and everything looks super crisp—like now. Everything’s very crisp. But the light isn’t flat, so you can see everything very well, very distinctly. It’s not cold, it’s not hot…it’s perfectly warm.

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Rhonda, 62

Well, let’s see. I was raised in poverty. There were many times we didn’t have a house to live in. We lived in a tent in a campground. Sometimes, I would like to change that, but then at the same time, I think that I have so much empathy for people who struggle with homelessness or financial stability that, in a way, it’s a gift. It’s a double-edged sword. It made me very empathetic. In my profession—I’m a retired lawyer—having empathy for people who came up in different socioeconomic backgrounds is really important if we’re going to find kindness with justice.

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

Robyn, 28 @robyn_bond

I was born in Peterborough. I have one sister, she’s four years older than me, and she’s the best person ever. I grew up in redneck-ville, Millbrook. Went to a really tiny school. Lived in a beautiful yellow house that I still miss to this day. I had the best parents ever. Moved from that house when I was twelve, which was genuinely traumatising for me at that age and I never really got over it.

Lived in the Yukon when I was five. [What was the Yukon like?] It was beautiful, snowbanks so tall you couldn’t even open the door. Six months where there’s like three hours of daylight. Crazy, but it builds character. Went from art school that got shut down to private school, that was wild. That was something, for sure…bad, probably. Failed at postsecondary school—twice.

Just literally in Toronto, scraping by to do music. That’s the only thing. Everything in my life is based around doing music.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Nic, 28 @nicbarkun

Two things. The ability to speak any language. I feel like that would be amazing, the ability to connect with anybody. The ability to not care so much and feel less anxious, that would be great. Not stuck in my head, and just to be in the moment.

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

Anthony, 33 @lazy.ak

My soulmate. [Would you really want to know?] No! Because you’d hope to find them in a natural way… I don’t know. I’d still want to find the best person to connect with.

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

Ali, 27 @museums.mu & @ali___kouri

I’ve been dreaming of opening a multidisciplinary venue, art gallery, bar, and cafe in our neighbourhood in Montreal. I’ve been dreaming about it for a really long time. I can remember conversations I’ve had years ago about it, and I’m sometimes reminded of those conversations because the dream has never changed or gone away.

I haven’t done it yet because of money! Financial constraints, but it’s not an excuse, and it’s definitely something that I hope to do in the next few years—or sooner.

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Lou, 28 @man.happens

I had a period in my life where I hated what I was doing, I hated myself for it, I felt the pressure of doing what I thought I had to do… and then eventually, something broke. I was like, I only have one life to live. I might as well take some risks now. That’s what got me more involved with these guys, that’s what allows me to do the work I like to do, that’s what gets me involved with more creative people, and these are the things that really enrich my life. That’s where I’m at now, I’m sure the answer will change as I get older and life gets more meaningful in hopefully different ways.

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

Darius, 29 @thedeadnotesofficial

Most people would say like, sharing the same interests or hobbies or whatever. But I think for me, what I value most is a guy like Jakob, who’s the exact opposite of me. He really brings me down when I’m on a big high, especially being on tour or coming off stage or when we work on stuff with the band, I’m always super impulsive, and he’s the exact opposite. That’s what I appreciate and value a lot. [Is he your best friend?] Definitely.

17. What is your most treasured memory?

Jakob, 29 @thedeadnotesofficial

Finishing recording the record in Leeds, in England, and then went for some Chinese food and everything was…I was so exhausted. But everything was done. It was just nice. I had some hot soup. It was really good.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

Laura, 40 @laurajanejakubczyk

My most terrible memory that lasted, and I needed time to detox from it was like, coming out of our 2013 tour, and my dad was there. We agreed to have him come for two weeks. At the time, we’re like, 28. It was two weeks of shit!

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

Mike, 43 @mikepaterson1t

I would just drop everything and travel the world. [Where would you go first?] I’d go to South America first.

20. What does friendship mean to you?

Katya Coulton, 26 @katyafsofficial

Everything! Honestly, I wouldn’t be the artist I am today, the person I am today, I wouldn’t be a lot of things without the support of my friends. I think friendship is truly the most rewarding and the most valuable thing you could have. If you feel like a good friend, and you are a good friend, and your friends are good friends to you, your whole world just feels full. Everything just feels fun! Friendship…it means everything.

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

Victor, 26 @superfraudsucks

I think love and affection are some of the wonderful colours that animate the greater things in life. They can really show you how to orient yourself in the world, and show you a lot about yourself and how to treat others.

22. Share something you consider a positive characteristic of your bandmates. Share a total of five items.

Nadia Sheikh, 29 @nadiasheikhmusic

Good-hearted, that’s very important. Reliable. Talented. Intelligent. You’re not very funny though… Resourceful.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

Rowan, 29

Yeah, definitely! I was a loved child for sure. 100%.

24. How close are you to your mother?

George, 29

We’re close. Well…she’s not going to hear this. [He laughs] No, yeah, we’re close.

25. Make three true “we” statements together. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ..."

J3M, timeless & eternal @j3msings

We’re both in this room feeling grateful. [I’m feeling grateful because I get to talk to amazing musicians like you!] I’m feeling grateful because I get to perform music that I love, I get to brighten people’s days, and I get to do what I love.

We’re both stylish dressers. [Is there any fashion inspiration for you today?] I would say the 70s and 80s, sequins, sparkly, glamorous diva vibes.

We’re both feeling sexy. [And proud during Pride Month?] I’m very grateful to be around other emerging queer artists that are on the rise.

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ..."

Cassie, 29 @just_kyashi

I wish I could share an ice cream cake and the latest Star Wars movie with someone. [Is there a specific flavour of ice cream cake?] The classic Dairy Queen ice cream cake, but if we’re talking ice cream in general, then chocolate chip cookie dough, or an East Coast classic, moon mist. [What the hell is moon mist?] Moon mist is incredible, it’s grape, banana and bubble gum.

27. If we were going to become best friends, what would I need to know about you?

Burry, 30 @burryofficial

You’d need to know that I love being the centre of attention, and that I’m an extrovert. But I also love a night in—maybe some gummies, maybe a movie, maybe some video games… and I love a deep talk.

28. Tell me what you like about your partner; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

Spencer, 28 @spencermcphee

I think she’s the kindest person I’ve ever met. Immediately, no one ever rooted for me as fast as she did. She continues to root for me. She’s my favourite person to spend time with.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

Sabrina, 27 @1954film

Whoops! I forgot to ask someone this question and only realized this once I sat down to write the article. Honestly, asking random strangers intimate questions about themselves is often pretty embarrassing.

Still, the most embarrassing moment I experienced when writing this article was when I put poor Robyn on the spot. Originally, we were supposed to go in order, and I was to ask them question #10, “If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?” In front of their MOTHER. I simply could not go through with torturing someone like that. Embarrassing.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

Aria Doll, 30 @the_ariadoll

The last time I cried in front of somebody was in front of my partner, Tyler. People have mental health days, we have good days, we have bad days, and it was just…one night that I was crying. I was thinking about my past, my childhood, and it brought up a lot of nostalgia. Things that I should’ve done differently and decisions that I’d made, sometimes I have regrets.

The last time I cried by myself was sometime last week, during pride season, it tends to get very busy, and I was feeling very overwhelmed with work. For some reason, I was listening to a lot of sad music too. [What sad music?] I’ve been listening to a lot of like, not lo-fi music but music you listen to at nighttime. It brings you into your feels and your emotions. A little tears here and there.

31. Tell me something that you love about yourself.

Kingchella, 27 @kingchella

I love how fat I am. I am a big girl, a big bitch through and through, and I will stay thick, be thick, as long as I breathe and live because fat people deserve to be on this earth! Fat people can be sexy, be hot, be fun, turn a party, and make your life the best thing it ever will be.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Sura, 28

I think that oppression can be, depending on the perspective that it’s coming from. It depends on the perspective of the person telling the joke. Tell things from your own perspective.

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

Liz, 21

I think I’d just tell everybody I love them more. Tell everyone you love them more. Be nicer.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

Hatley, 30 @hellohoneymoonband

It would be my teddy bear that I got when I was born, because I’m an anxious person and I’ve always thought that if there were a fire, I’m gonna get my bear. That’s the most grounding item in my home. [Does your teddy bear have a name?] His name is Bear. He’s asexual. He’s just living life.

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

DAPHNE, 21 @daphne.mp3

My mom. She’s just always been there for me, so to not have her would…you know. It would be the worst thing in the world.

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Ernie, 7

[I’m exhausted! I wish I hadn’t worn kitten heels to a music festival…Plus, I still have one question left, but the festival’s over, what do I do?]

Meow.

Maybe I didn’t fall in love with someone at NXNE—or maybe I fell in love 36 times. Didn’t you?

*Interviews have been edited for length and clarity.

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